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Apropos this week's letter, I recommend a fabulously funny song called Itty Bitty Titties by Ken Carlysle/Honky Tonk Jukebox Band. It is a "love song" for small breasts*. You can get in on iTunes Music Store.

Eolake Stobblehouse

Small-chested women: unite and be proud
by Lucia Bill

One late afternoon of my junior year in high school, I was sitting on the floor of a friend's living room doing what we girls did in our spare time -- talked about sex. Though the details are a little blurry, I recall that the conversation turned to breasts.

Sixteen years old and insecure in my 36B, I loudly began hypothesizing about how great it would be if I only had bigger hoo- ... when my friend's grandfather shuffled into the living room.

Dipping a cookie in a glass of milk he remarked: "Oh honey, I've been around for quite some time now; I've met my share of breasts. And I can promise you that the least you need is a mouthful, the most you need is a handful."

Ever since that awkward yet enlightening moment, I have become a firm supporter (no pun intended) of small breasts.

With no disrespect to my better-endowed sisters, I think it's time for small-breasted women to start receiving the attention and appreciation they deserve.

I'm not interested in hearing that small breasts are more convenient because you can get away with not wearing a bra, that you won't have any back problems or that "at least they don't get in the way" during sex.

Trust me: I take full advantage of all these perks.

But all of this still carries the connotation that having anything below a C-cup is a consolatory prize -- that maybe I should see if my body has another part worthy of desire.

It's time small breasts were acknowledged as sexy. Period.

That, of course, is quite a task in a culture that relies on large breasts to sell everything from cologne to cars. Even women's magazines such as "Cosmopolitan" and "Glamour" (the two most-read magazines among women ages 17 to 35) run at least two breast-enhancement ads in every issue.

Breast implants are still growing in popularity, with about 250,000 women going under the knife each year, making the grand total of less-than-real breasts a whopping 4 million.

And the BBC recently reported that a gum being sold in Japan promises to increase breast size if chewed three to four times a day, which is the dumbest idea I've ever heard. (Besides, it loses flavor fast.)

These figures seemed rather disparaging considering my cause, so I decided to poll the men I know about the significance of breasts. Sadly, the overwhelming amount of responses can be best summed up in the comment I received from a friend who claimed that " ... in all reality, size matters in both men and women. Bigger is just better."

Disheartening. And just plain wrong. Any mature woman will tell you: It's not the size of the dreidel, it's how you spin it.

But back to breasts.

The ideal of beauty and sex appeal needs to be expanded to encompass all body types. The media (force-feeding us concepts of beauty) are slowly coming to place less voluptuous women such as Nicole Kidman and Natalie Portman next to the stereotypical sex icons such as Pamela Anderson.

As women, we need to stop being ashamed of our bodies and carry ourselves with pride. We should remember that whatever the media may throw at men, there are a ton of guys who don't buy into the stereotype of what is attractive and would rather spend time talking to a girl, not ogling over her breasts.

I hope not all of those men are someone's grandfather.

Lucia Bill is a journalism and political science sophomore.

[This article was not sent to DOMAI, but was made available for reposting elsewhere.]

* Itty Bitty Titties lyrics

We was swappin stories with a bunch of the guys, some were the truth and some were lies. We were talking bout all them girls we known and how they love them big titties so.

Well they looked at me and said well how bout you? I said boys them itty bitty titties will do, well they were laughing at me and calling me weird and I said boys, let me tell you bout them itty bitty titties.

Well it seems all the boys that were doin the laughin learned about their titties in National Geographic, learned about mine in a Girl Scout tent, let me tell you how my education went.

When she opened her blouse well I stared at aw cause I was in love with what I saw and though them titties may have lacked in size them titties were alive and right in front of my eyes.

Yeah itty bitty titties
Itty bitty titties
Itty bitty titties
Itty bitty titties
I love itty bitty titties

Well I still remember all the fun I had, that Girl Scout shoulda won a merit badge, I swore when I got back to the city I was gonna get some more of them itty bitty titties.

Now itty bitty titties fit right in your mouth, you don't have to worry bout the sides falling out they got itty bitty nipples just the size of nickels, itty bitty titties what I'm talking about.

Yeah itty bitty titties.
Itty bitty titties
Itty bitty titties
Itty bitty titties
I love itty bitty titties

Who else loves them itty bitty titties in here?

Now itty bitty titties don't need no brazier cause they stick straight out in the atmosphere and when you get old they won't fall of your chest itty bitty titties are the very best....

And now I don't give a damn about Mrs. Dolly give me itty bitty titties and I'll get my jollies they melt in your mouth they fit in your hand, itty bitty titties are the joy of the land.

That's right

Yeah itty bitty titties
Itty bitty titties
Those itty bitty titties
Itty bitty titties
I love itty bitty titties

Now every story has a moral to it, being the moral young man I am I'm going to tell you the moral of this story.

You ready boys? Well I've heard it said all over this land that you can judge a man by the size of his hand so if you want yourself a girl with a tight little kitty you better find yourself a girl with itty bitty titties.

Yeah itty bitty titties
Itty bitty titties
Those itty bitty titties
Itty bitty titties
I love itty bitty titties

I do how bout you?

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